Without a doubt, you are the person who taught me the most this year. Not a day passes where I don’t think, wonder or worry about you. 

In late January, I was licensed as a foster parent, and you came along about ten days later. With three hours’ notice, I opened the door to you and someone from Children’s Services. Or, in the words you used later, “Some lady played with me, bought me pancakes, and then took me to you.” In any case, you strode inside without hesitation and demanded to know where the dog was. As I’d come to learn, you rarely do anything with hesitation, and you have an unending love for animals (even if you do prefer cats, seals, and wolves over dogs).

During our first evening, you asked, “Can I have a bath and read books before bedtime in this house?” I happily demonstrated yes to both, and then you slept for 13 hours – after ensuring every light could remain on. And while you eventually came to negotiate more about baths and less about lights, you continue to appreciate bedtime books. Along the way, you impressed yourself and others by learning to read. 

With regular school attendance, you’ve been catching up on reading, writing, and math. Along the way, teachers and other adults have been unanimous in their praise for your artistic ability. You love science, especially anything biology-related…though I was a little surprised to learn you had developed a favourite type of tree. You were outraged one day that the neighbours have a birch, and I only have a “boring” poplar.

You’re determined. You asked how other kids can do the monkey bars, and I said something about practice. A few weeks later, you were swinging easily along. When you got your first bike, you didn’t know the peddles were what made it move, but you were riding a two-wheeler less than three months later. 

Given your huge amount of energy, I enrolled you in a variety of activities – and you did well in almost all of them, showing that same determination and drive. Making friends was a bit trickier, but you have come so far in that area as well. Your excitement when you received your first invitation to a birthday filled my heart, and now it’s a regular occurrence.  

I sometimes think about your urge to control other people and situations, and I consider the disorder and danger you experienced before we met. You’ve confided some of the details, but I can only imagine the extent. Similarly, when I’ve been frustrated at your unwillingness – or inability? – to entertain yourself, I remember the times you were left alone and afraid. 

The hardest parts of your life may have repercussions, but they don’t dampen the wonderful parts of you. You love a good joke or prank, and I learned it’s hard to do anything other than laugh upon finding – for example – googly eyes on my appliances. (Plus, it turns out that cooking is more fun when the stove has eyes.) You’re super smart and quick to delight in the creativity of others. You were astounded at the tricks of a restaurant “Egyptian” we saw perform a few times (actual word: magician).

You are incredibly observant, and I’ve been amazed by the insightful questions you ask about what you see outside the car window. Inside the car, if I gesture at another driver, you immediately want to know what I said in “car language” (thankfully, I’m more prone to grateful waves than middle fingers). 

You are a good singer and seem to learn the words to songs overnight. I think you had a new favourite every week, and it’s completely messed up my Spotify algorithm – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You moved out in the summer to live with extended family. Their role seems to have opened you up to talking more about your dad, which usually brings my cousin closer to my own heart.

I’m grateful your family is committed to keeping us in touch; I think it’s eased the transitions for both of us. And, since I remember the help I needed in our early days together, I hope I’m giving them something similar. When I embarked on this foster parent thing, I never imagined such an extension of family – how wide the circle of care in my life could grow. Of course, the circle of concern has grown too, as my many sleepless nights thinking about your mom can attest.

I have so many wishes for you and about you. I admire your bravery and wish you’d never had to learn it. I’m heartened whenever you talk about your future, and I wish for you to seize it. You’ve shown me new depths of every emotion I’ve ever known, and you’ve opened the door to me understanding and engaging with my family and friends in new ways.

I wish for you as much as you’ve given me – and more. Thank you for all the lessons, and the love.

Photo credit: https://stephhansenphotography.com

In early 2023, I became a licensed foster parent in Alberta. This post and others are meant to share glimpses of what that’s like, while respecting confidentiality. Please note there is a serious need for additional caregivers; anyone interested can learn more here. 

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