It was a month of moms. 

I kicked off May by attending a three-day workshop where leaders from charitable foundations gathered to figure out whether we can donate money in ways that are better aligned to the values many of us espouse. (Spoiler alert: we can and should. Second spoiler alert: for a variety of reasons – some that are real; others that sound like excuses – it’s easier said than done.) Since many of us didn’t know each other at the beginning of the workshop and these conversations generally go further when we understand people beyond their jobs, the facilitators started by asking each of us to share early memories related to our topic for the week. 

As participants took turns telling their stories, more and more of us shared things about our moms. A couple of people shared memories that were difficult, but most people speaking about their mothers were carrying messages of gratitude, learning, awe. 

We shared anecdotes about the women who held our families together, even when there was little glue to work with. We heard about women who ensured the neighbours had enough, even when it meant going with less at home. One of my favourite stories included the phrase, “I went on to get a master’s degree in all the things my mom taught me, but would never use the same vocabulary to describe”. Wow, did that ever resonate. 

Later in the month came Mother’s Day. I celebrated it twice, because I’m lucky enough to have two amazing moms. Three decades ago, I think these two women chose to get along for the sake of me and my brother. In all the years since, I think they’ve come to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. And in a job where I’m regularly in discussions about the need to bridge potential divides and differences, I can’t think of anyone better to learn from.

As the month wore on, I attended my usual meetings at work. As is often the case, I was struck by how much the topic of parenting comes up. It feels powerful that we’ve made space for people to work hard while also being mindful of each other’s parenting journeys – from sick kids, to the seemingly endless re-scheduling of spring sports activities. We’ve supported those who wanted to be parents and aren’t, and those who never wanted the “regular” parenting path. When I hear from others that their workplaces don’t allow for any of this, I’m grateful for my colleagues…and wonder what other teams are losing by requiring employees to separate out a huge piece of their lives. 

I closed May by attending a “systems summit” that was full of jargon (including from my own mouth), but still brought us back to mothers. As one panelist taught the assembled crowd, one way to address systemic issues is to respond like her grandmother. This was a woman who regularly listened with patience, repeatedly asked “what do you need from me?”, and occasionally offered to kick someone’s ass. Tell me: if you’re working with others on big social problems, is there really much else? 

I know not all moms are created equal. And I know there are amazing dads, aunts, uncles, and others. But the month of May has me thinking: if I got out of my head more often and just did what my mom would have done in all the situations where I watched her step into volunteer roles, work roles, referee roles – how much better off would I be? How much better would our work be?

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